I think it may have been the Switch Witch at Halloween that did it for me. Or maybe it was the expectation my children developed as soon as they started school that I would assist them in building a trap for leprechauns on St. Patrick’s Day. I don’t even want to talk about the Elf on the Shelf. 

Sometimes, it feels like holidays have become landmines of performative expectations.

And the worst of them all in my mind? Valentine’s Day. A holiday of bad meals at overly crowded restaurants, ridiculously priced flowers and unneeded trinkets, and the realization of punctured hopes for those of us who don’t have romantic partners (and want to). Too much money spent on a day that seems to leave many people feeling let down. 

I almost cackled with bitter glee when I realized that Ash Wednesday falls on the same date as Valentine’s Day this year. Would you like a reminder of your mortality along with your mediocre molten chocolate cake, ma’am?

Whoa, you may be thinking! Such hostility towards something so innocuous! What’s wrong with celebrating a holiday if we enjoy it?

Nothing, if you enjoy it. 

But if swapping your kids’ excess Halloween candy for toys feels more like a bribe than an extra flurry of magic on an already magical day, maybe you don’t have to do it.

If sitting down with your family to build leprechaun traps seems like another chore to check off rather than an opportunity to spend time together, maybe you can skip it.

If coming up with new and witty ways to position your Elf around your home (and not just on a shelf) is a nightly task you dread instead of an exercise in whimsy and creativity, maybe you can send the Elf into early retirement.

And if you’re spending $15 on that mediocre molten chocolate cake for two in a crowded restaurant because you think it’s what you’re supposed to do, not what either you or your partner actually want to do, maybe you should hightail it home and eat Girl Scout cookies on the couch together.

Holidays carry so very many expectations with them, expectations that we have of others and expectations that others have of us and expectations that we have of ourselves. The burden can be a heavy one, especially for women, who so often carry the expectation that we should be able to do it all. 

Make adorable, healthy, AND yummy treats for the kids’ class party? Mom’s got it!

Remember to purchase and send cards (on time) to loved ones out of state? Yup, on the to-do list!

Schedule the babysitter and prep dinner for the kids to eat while we’re out to dinner? I'll do it! 

Buy presents for everyone who is supposed to get one and make sure there’s enough wrapping paper to actually cover them all? On it!

So, what if we lighten our loads? What if we aim to bring holidays back to what makes us and our loved ones feel truly valued and valuable?

Spending time together.

Giving of ourselves to others.

Spreading joy and love around our little corners of the world.

If you want to Switch Witch those treats or build leprechaun traps or design a way for your Elf to dangle perilously above the toilet or go to the fanciest restaurant you can afford with your partner on Valentine’s Day and eat all the things, bless you as you celebrate. 

And if you don’t, that’s okay too.  

Maybe, instead, your family can go for a snowy walk together.

Maybe you can pick out a simple gift that you know your partner would never think to buy for themselves but would be delighted to receive. 

Maybe you and your kids can make a pan of brownies to give to the staff at their school. 

Whatever feels most authentically loving to you, do that thing. I’ll be with you in spirit. Definitely making brownies. 

Of all the desserts I make, my children’s favorite are brownies. But here’s my confession: I make brownies from a boxed mix. I do! And we all LOVE THEM. In the spirit of simple celebrations, I’m sharing with you today how I like to doctor up boxed brownie mix to taste as delectable as possible. One of the keys is to use a brownie mix that already tastes delicious without doctoring. For me, it’s Ghirardelli Triple Chocolate Premium Brownie Mix. If you can't find this specific mix, I think you can't go wrong with any Ghirardelli mix. Make sure to add chocolate chips to your batter if using a mix that doesn't already contain them. I like to line my baking pan with a foil sling to help remove the brownies from the pan more easily.

I’ve provided three different ways you can fancify your brownies. If you’d like to skip being fancy and keep them as simple as possible, a dusting of powdered sugar is lovely. There is also the always welcome option of serving brownies à la mode. May I suggest cinnamon ice cream and hot fudge as excellent pairings?

Simple Celebration Brownies

Ingredients:
1/3 cup water
1/3 cup unsalted butter, melted and cooled slightly
1 large egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon instant espresso
1 pouch Ghirardelli Triple Chocolate Brownie Mix
Optional: 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips (if using a mix without chocolate chips already in it)

Directions:
Adjust oven rack to middle position and preheat oven to 325 degrees. Line a 8x8 or 9x9 pan with foil and spray evenly with cooking spray.

Place water, butter, egg, vanilla, and espresso in a large bowl. Whisk together until thoroughly combined. Add brownie mix and chocolate chips (if needed). Using a rubber spatula, stir until well-combined and there are no streaks of dry mix left. 

Scrape batter into prepared pan, spreading evenly to corners. Bake until a toothpick inserted 2 inches from edge of pan comes out with fudgy crumbs, about 45 minutes. Remove to a wire rack and let cool completely before cutting (or cut while warm if you like to walk on the messy and wild side). Yield: 16 - 20 gloriously chocolatey brownies. 

To make Cream Cheese Swirl Brownies: prepare brownie mix as directed and spread evenly in pan. In a small bowl, whisk together 4 ounces softened cream cheese, 1 large egg yolk, 1/4 cup granulated sugar, and 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract until thoroughly combined. Dollop cream cheese mixture across the top of prepared brownie batter. Using a knife, swirl cream cheese batter through brownie batter. If desired, scatted 1/3 cup miniature chocolate chips across the top of batter. Bake until a toothpick inserted 2 inches from edge of pan comes out with fudgy crumbs, about 45-50 minutes (it may take a few minutes longer than plain brownies), then cool completely. Store in the refrigerator once cooled.

To make Fudge Frosted Brownies (frosting recipe adapted from Pillsbury): prepare and bake brownies as directed. Immediately after removing pan from oven, place 1/2 cup granulated sugar, 2-1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter, and 2 tablespoons + 2 teaspoons milk in a medium saucepan. Over medium-high heat, bring to a boil. Allow to boil for 1 minute, whisking or stirring constantly. After 1 minute, remove from heat and stir in 1/2 cup chocolate chips until smooth. Immediately pour warm frosting on brownies; spread frosting quickly, but evenly over brownies. It will thicken too much to spread if you wait! If desired, decorate with sprinkles. Allow brownies to cool completely and fudge frosting to set, at least 2 hours, before cutting. 

To make Peanut Butter Swirl Brownies: prepared brownie mix as directed and spread evenly in pan. In a small bowl, whisk together 1/3 cup natural peanut butter and 2 tablespoons powdered sugar (if peanut butter is too stiff to mix, microwave in 15 second increments until it loosens up). Dollop peanut butter mixture across the top of prepared brownie batter. Using a knife, swirl peanut butter through brownie batter. Bake until a toothpick inserted 2 inches from edge of pan comes out with fudgy crumbs, about 45-50 minutes (it may take a few minutes longer than plain brownies), then cool completely.(it may take a few minutes longer than plain brownies) and allow to cool completely before cutting.