I still remember when I saw these bars featured on a Food Network holiday cookie special. It was the early 2000s. I was watching television and drifting off to sleep mid-afternoon rather than writing a graduate school paper. I sat right up and thought, "I must make these cookies!" 

I did make them. And may I make a confession?

They were a royal pain to make.

I could use more colorful language to describe them, but I’ll refrain. 

I remained dedicated to the cause of the fudge-filled cookie bar, however. I just loved the idea of them, and they had been delicious once they finally came out of the oven after hours of frustrating labor. Layers of a soft, cake-like cookie surrounding a thick, rich, intense layer of fudge. A chocolate lover's dream. But also a bit of a baker’s nightmare. 

I persisted. I made them again. And again. I don't think a December has gone by since I first sleepily noticed these bars that I have not made them. Every year, my list of notes on the recipe I had printed grew. I figured out a few tricks to streamline the recipe but making the bars remained a labor of love. I included them on my December menu when I ran a home-based bakery and breathed a little sigh of relief that I received only a few orders for them. 

Last year, the teenage son of a close friend asked me for the recipe. I hesitated to give it to him. I knew he loved to bake. But this recipe was such a hassle. I would feel badly if it didn't turn out well for him. Even worse if he blamed himself rather than a difficult recipe. So I avoided sharing the recipe.

But he persisted. He asked me again for the recipe. I finally sat down with my scribbled-upon recipe and memories of its most recent making and wrote it all down anew, in a way that would hopefully make sense. 

A writer whose work I admire often says, “We can do hard things.”

I know she's likely referring to more difficult things than making a tricky cookie recipe.

But often, truths we learn in the kitchen are still truths once we leave it.

Like fractions are really important. Like never underestimate the power of planning ahead. Like pay attention and be present or else things could catch on fire. Like know when something’s a lost cause and just order a pizza. Like less can be—and often is—more. 

Like we can do hard things. 

Perhaps we won’t do these things with the grace and ease for which we might hope. And maybe we'll need to throw a chocolate drizzle on top of it all to cover up what a mess we have made. 

But we can do hard things, both in the kitchen and in life. 

After almost 15 years, I finally reworked this recipe to the point that it's no longer a hard thing. I think. You be the judge. Don't worry too much about getting it to look perfect when spreading the top layer of dough. You're going to put a chocolate drizzle on the top that will cover all matter of sins and let you exercise your inner Jackson Pollock. For the prettiest presentation, you may want to trim away the edges of the bars (and save them for snacking, of course). 

Fudge-filled Cookie Bars

Adapted from Italian Fudge-Filled Cookies

Ingredients:
Dough:
3 cups all-purpose flour
2-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup unsalted butter, softened to room temperature
1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
1 large egg
1/3 cup milk
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Fudge filling:
2-1/2 cups bittersweet chocolate baking chips (60% cacao)
2 ounces unsweetened baking chocolate, chopped
14 ounces sweetened condensed milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Topping:
1/3 cup chocolate chips (any kind)
1 teaspoon unsalted butter

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees, and adjust rack to middle position. Line a 9x13 baking pan with foil, and spray thoroughly with cooking spray.

Make the dough: In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt; set aside. In the bowl of a stand mixer, or a large bowl if using hand mixer, beat together the butter and sugar on medium until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Add the egg and beat on medium until incorporated, about 30 seconds. With the mixer on low, slowly pour in the milk and vanilla. Increase speed to medium and beat until well combined, about 30 seconds (may look lumpy or curdled). Decrease speed to low again, and add the flour mixture in three parts, making sure to scrape down the sides of the bowl after each addition. Mix until thoroughly combined and you have a very soft, sticky dough.

Remove half the dough from the bowl and press evenly into the bottom of the prepared pan with your fingers; you may need to wet your hands to help spread it easily. Set aside the pan and the remaining dough until fudge filling is made.

Make the fudge filling: In a large microwave safe bowl, heat the bittersweet chips, chopped unsweetened chocolate, and condensed milk in the microwave in 30 second increments, stirring well between heatings, until mixture is smooth, thick, and glossy. Stir in the vanilla.

Assemble and bake: Spoon fudge filling onto prepared dough in pan and spread evenly across dough. Drop the remaining dough in spoonfuls evenly across the fudge filling. Spread dough carefully across the fudge, making sure to spread to the edges of the pan (a metal frosting spreader works best here). If needed, lightly wet hands and use hands to gently spread dough. Try not to tear the dough so that the fudge is mixed into the dough. Once fudge is covered, place in oven and bake for 30 - 35 minutes or until top is golden brown, rotating pan once during baking.

Decorate: Allow baked bars to cool 30 minutes. In a small microwave safe bowl, heat chocolate chips and butter in 30 second increments, stirring well between heatings, until chocolate is completely melted. Dip the tines of a fork in the chocolate and drizzle over the bars. Let bars cool on a rack for 4-5 hours (or longer) before using edges of foil to remove from pan. Cut into squares or triangles and serve. Store in an airtight container at room temperature; can also be frozen and thawed at room temperature. Yield: a whole lotta bars. These are super rich, so cut them small.